I had a pretty big conviction hit me last night before bed and whether it’s meant to be personal or shared, I’m not sure, but if anyone can benefit from it then it’s worth my embarrassment.
Lately I’ve been so caught up in how cruel people can be that I’ve let my spiritual side start to slip and I’ve caught myself dwelling on bitter feelings and making up comebacks in my head to conversations that haven’t even been held. Well I got aggravated at myself last night and tired of feeling that way so after getting the kids to sleep I stayed on my knees in prayer a little longer than I usually do, felt a little better and climbed into bed. After I climbed into bed I grabbed my phone to read a few chapters of my daily bible plan (which I’ve also been slacking on.) As soon as I opened the Bible app I seen something that brought me to tears and felt like someone punched me in the gut. In my bible app it shows people that you can add as “friends” and you can do bible plans with them, share scriptures, etc. Well when I opened the app there was a picture of a girl in my suggested friends that I have had a million chances to talk to about God but I always told myself “nah, she’s not interested in the Bible, she probably doesn’t even want to be bothered by anything that’s in it” or “she knows what I believe and if she ever has any questions she knows she can ask me.” Point blank I was just making excuses because I didn’t want to put myself out there and be vulnerable to her rejection. But the reason this hit me so hard last night is because this girl passed unexpectedly not long ago and now I’ll never have the chance to talk to her about anything in the Bible. The same bible that she obviously was interested in because it was sitting there staring me in the face. I can’t describe the feeling. I hope someone was more bold than I was and reached out to her, I hope someone had the courage that I was supposed to have but didn’t. I hope she wasn’t trying to learn on her own, I hope someone was there for her in the way that I should have been instead of me being worried about what was going on around me.
Point I’m trying to make (for myself) is Luke 6:29 If someone smites you on one cheek offer him the other cheek as well. Don’t let someone else’s actions determine your actions, and especially don’t let it hinder you. And Psalms 6, a Psalm of David says (the short version in my own words) “Have mercy on me Lord for I am weak. My bones and soul are vexed. Return and save my soul. I am weary with groaning. My eye is consumed with grief. Depart from me all workers of iniquity, for the lord heard my weeping and will receive my prayer.”
Don’t let what’s going on around you bring you down. Don’t let others short comings be the reason you fall, but if you do fall then cry out to him with a sincere heart and he will hear your cries and receive your prayer.
And go read Psalms 6, it’s only 10 verses but they’re powerful.
1 comment
Good post, so sorry for your loss.