The past that took me to an altar.

Week before last I had someone bring up my past (as in 12+ years ago) & accuse me of pretending to be perfect now.
I’ll admit it bothered me for a few days, I even had a big venting session with someone who helped me see things a little more clear but I was still highly agitated.
Then this morning a dear friend called me while I was getting dressed for church and she asked “What was your turnaround point? What was the thing that sent you running back to Jesus?”
I thought for a second and the past that the other person was just bringing up (with exaggeration) was why I came running back. Almost instantly upon my friend asking that question memories that hadn’t crossed my mind in years came rushing back. I remembered waking up on someone’s steps at 2am asking them to turn out the sun, I remembered buying food only to have it stolen by my “friends”, I remembered those same friends giving/sneaking me date rape just to see how I would react. Money, belongings, clothes all have been stolen. I’ve been told to smoke this only to realize hours later after a reaction that it was laced and the people who gave it to me knew. There were so many memories that hit me at once but I’ll spare the details or this post would be a mile long.
Now, I wasn’t innocent in most of these situations but I mentioned them just to say that one day I woke up and realized that this world and these people are never going to love me. Not only did they not love me but they didn’t love each other, they didn’t even love themselves.
I seen where the road I was on had led some of those “friends” and I knew I was traveling right behind them. I made a beeline for the altar, this altar trip was going to be different from all the rest. I dug in deeper than I ever had, I found ways to get involved as much as I could so I’d have as little free time as possible, and I found God minded people who turned into best friends.
Anyway, I said all that to say, if you see my happy posts on Facebook or the gram just know that I’m not pretending to be perfect, I’m striving for perfection but I know I’ll never get there. And who wouldn’t want to strive to be better each day? I always want to be better than the person I was yesterday and by His grace I’m still able to try. I fail daily but who posts all their failures? I’d much rather reminisce on my happy moments years from now than a bunch of negative ones. BUT if you’d like to know some of my failures feel free to call, I’ve got plenty so make sure you have a few hours to talk.
Side note: the friend that called this morning was there with me through a lot of those days and ran to an altar shortly after I did. We finally learned that that is where you can find unwavering love and forgiveness from the only one whose opinion matters even when you can’t forgive yourself. So if you’re at your lowest point, feeling unloved, or just want to be better than you were yesterday you can NEVER go wrong by finding a quiet place to kneel and having a little one on one talk with Jesus.